Today (Letting this speak for itself)

"Let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works; not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together."Hebrews 10:24-25

We are all capable of being spiritual sluggards; we do not want to mix with the rough and tumble of life as it is, our one object is to secure retirement. The note struck in Hebrews 10 is that of provoking one another and of keeping together - both of which require initiative, the initiative of Christ-realization, not of self-realization. To live a remote, retired, secluded life is the antipodes of spirituality as Jesus Christ taught it.

The test of our spirituality comes when we come up against injustice and meanness and ingratitude and turmoil, all of which have the tendency to make us spiritual sluggards. We want to use prayer and Bible reading for the purpose of retirement. We utilize God for the sake of getting peace and joy, that is, we do not want to realize Jesus Christ, but only our enjoyment of Him. This is the first step in the wrong direction. All these things are effects and we try to make them causes.

"I think it meet," said Peter, ". . . to stir you up by putting you in remembrance." It is a most disturbing thing to be smitten in the ribs by some provoker of God, by someone who is full of spiritual activity. Active work and spiritual activity are not the same thing. Active work may be the counterfeit of spiritual activity. The danger of spiritual sluggishness is that we do not wish to be stirred up, all we want to hear about is spiritual retirement. Jesus Christ never encourages the idea of retirement - "Go tell My brethren . ."

~ Oswald Chambers

Peace in Him,

MJW

Chill Day

Multiple adventures could have been taken today.  I had been planning a trip to Prague with a friend here, though that fell through at the last second.  I also had the opportunity to go hiking again in a beautiful region of Saxony called "Saxony Switzerland."

However, to all aspects of me, mind, body, soul, and spirit, I needed time to myself.  Thus, after waking up past noon, I began to wander around to places in Leipzig I had yet to explore.  Part of this was to awaken certain parts of me I sensed were slumbering.  I needed to get out of my dorm, but I still wanted to be alone.  Ever wanted to just drop everything and be someplace by yourself where you can be as loud or as silent as you wanted?  That was me today.

Thus, my first attempt was to visit a lake just west of the city, Kulkwitzer.  Unfortunately, it was crowded for the most part, so it took me a while to find a rather solitary place on the lake, away from the site of naked sunbathers (yes, this is normal to them).

Stared hard at the lake for a while, sang spontaneous songs to God out of a heavy heart, confessing various failings, and also reading parts of Hearing God.  Left there with a bit more peace than I had before, God seeming to whisper how He would be go ahead of me to make my way straight.  I still don't know if I understand everything, but I pray I would gain the faith to trust.

I then wandered around the city center some, desiring to find the Herrnhuter star I had seen the other day from a tram car.  Ended up finding it in a park, though I still don't know the significance of why it is here in Leipzig (the plaque beneath it told of how it was celebrating the 100th year anniversary of a school; don't see what that has to do with the Unitas Fraternitum).  On the way there, however, I found a piece of the Berlin wall that had been moved to Leipzig.  On it, there were 4 words, 3 of which are not found in google translate.  However, the last one is simply "gone" in English:

Also wandered into a free museum all about the GDR days of Germany, though it mainly focused on cultural images from around the world that seem to capture people's imaginations.  For example, they had this image of the Warsaw ghetto in the museum:

Essentially, the descriptions that followed were how this photo captured the oppression of the Polish people during the second World War, though now it is a more expansive symbol of oppression for people of the world.  The same sort of analysis was undertaken with pictures of the flag raising at Iwo Jima, and then a photo of a GDR officer jumping over barbed wire to the side of the West.  Needless to say, the exhibit did show that a picture is "worth a thousand words."

After that, wandered back to the dorm with some ice cream on my lips, hiked to a local park and found a cool Russian orthodox church (unfortunately, closed), then headed back to cook some pasta.   The sauce I used was pretty diverse, encompassing a premade meat sauce, an italian salad dressing, mustard, weight watchers butter, and pepper (but it tasted goooooood :P).

The highlight of today was at its end.  God had allowed me to see an older man on a bench yesterday as I was leaving a park near my dormitory.  I had been wrestling with how on earth I was supposed to minister to the people of Leipzig, since I did not know the language.  I prayed moments after I passed him, "God, how do I minister to him?"  And He whispered, "Break bread with him.  He will be back here at the same time tomorrow."

I doubted Him a little bit, when I came an hour earlier today and didn't see him today.  I went back to the dorm, and as I ventured the internet, I noted the time.  I thought, "why not?" and walked over to the park.  There he was, same place, same time.  Quickly, I walked back to my dorm, praying, "God, I don't know how this is going to happen, but this has got to be Your love and not mine.  You've seen where my heart's been all today and this week.  Help me love him as You love him."  I quickly put together two nutella sandwiches on knackebrot (imagine hard, wide, tasteless crackers that you can put anything on), and walked back over to him.  I gave him some, and he seemed rather amused that I sat down next to him when there were other benches around the park and it was 10 pm.  I briefly explained in broken German that I had come to Germany to study and to pray.  He just smiled.  I sat on the bench with him for a good while, mostly attempting to communicate anything I could to him (the most he said was a word I didn't know, an offer of a cigarette to me, and a comment on some random fireworks behind us).  I asked him what I could pray for him, though he did not respond, but only smiled.

I left the experience at peace, knowing that I had obeyed what God had spoken.  In fact, leaving the experience, I felt the greatest joy that I had known all that day.  I guess (not guess, but yes, this is) Christ speaks truly when He speaks of desiring mercy and not sacrifice, and of obedience to the Word rather than just having it around us as an oft-seen symbol.  If it is not in our lives, what good is it?

God, continue this work in me.  Let me speak and do and be who You've called me to be at all times.  Not my will, but Yours be done.

in Christ,

MJW

Sans la nommer

This one's going to be all over the place, guys, so buckle your seatbelts

For the recent happenings/thoughts in the life of Mark Wells, edited edition, please see these links, though there's more info below the links about my thoughts:

http://www.daad.de/blog/leben-in-deutschland/a-personal-pilgrimage/

Really was a great time for me to get away on my own.  I was able to finish the book A Sinner's Guide to Holiness, while also being able to pray with the Nepali woman from YWAM.  Also offered up a prayer to God regarding my college campus in the States and missions at the church where Zinzy preached.

http://www.daad.de/blog/reisen/symposium-solemnity-and-a-surprise/
Oof, so much in this one.  The symposium was also cool because there were also events in the evening, one night at the zoo and the other at the Porsche museum.  The zoo we visited after hours and saw some of the elephants they kept, and some of the workers performed some sort of skit... WITH FIRE!  The Porsche museum, if I had to be completely honest, grieved me more than anything.  It was materialistic to the point of sickening, and I didn't know what else to do but to isolate myself in a bathroom and pray for some of the time.  I tried to take pictures, and pose with people, but at the same time, I was grieving on the inside.  Quite difficult... Also in the post: I can't really say much more about Buchenwald... you just had to be solemn in such a place.  As for the rest of Weimar, well: visited a Franz Liszt festival, went into underground caverns beneath the city, entered and won in a t-shirt contest, and visited the houses of various authors.  That's that :P

And now for the unedited stuff (dun dun duuun)

So my suitemate (aka, flatmate) has been living with me for just over a week now.  We have been getting along okay (he’s rather phlegmatic... which can confuse my hyperactive self), though we’re similar in our frequent need to apologize to one another.  We’ve had some cool talks about issues of faith, though I don’t know how to gauge the depth of the talks.  I want to talk more with him about my testimony, though sometimes my time is eaten up by work and small groups, leaving me back in the dorm around 9 (another reason why I haven’t been updating this as much :P).

My hyperactive mind has also tried to keep myself occupied, but God has continually been pulling me back to his side. Also learning about feeding the flesh vs. the spirit. Realized something: it's not the context one resides that makes fasting hard, but the flesh that we carry around making excuses. "Oh, but if someone asks you, then you'll have to tell them," "Do you really think God will work more powerfully through you because of this?", "You have to take care of your body," etc.

How long will it take to get the dying twitches out of the corpse?

Been talking to a girl in my lab about things of faith off and on. Actually, we talk about a lot of things, which I find good, as I don't want to be the guy who incessantly beats the Word down people's throats. Good to have a friendship... just pray that it would be used of God as well.

If I were to be completely blunt, I don't know how I can really evaluate my growth with God right now. Sometimes I am in love with Him, at other times I can sense Him drawing me away with Him, and then some mornings, some evenings, I am disconnected from the Head because I am in my own head. I don't believe or want this to be a pattern, but God must be my center at all times. I want no more of this sliding hither and thither, my thoughts to His thoughts and then back again, only to take any knowledge I receive from Him for my personal analysis or to attain some fleshly goal.

God, make me salt and light to this earth. I don't want this to be a flickering, shining flame, but one that would be on at all times, in peace, in love, in joy, manifesting all that You intend it to manifest to this earth and ultimately to the glory of Your name.

Love,

MJW

Foreigner

As I was sitting in a park here in Leipzig yesterday, I realized how much my experience here should translate into my walk with Christ as a foreigner on this earth.

In this city, though I am among people, young, old, rich, poor, I am different.

I do not speak like them.

I try to look like them, though I know within me, I am not a part of their culture (not yet, anyways).

It is comforting to be with those who speak my language and share my stories.

I am separate from them.

Yes, I would love to become a part of this culture, to see how the people live more in depth, and yes, if I knew the language better, I surely could.  Yet I would not be able to shake my upbringing entirely.  I would know the life I was born into, I would remember the childhood songs, I would remember the love of my father and mother.  And again, I would reconsider my identity.

How much more should I know my reborn citizenship?

In Christ,
MJW

Recent Thoughts

Hey all,

As I mentioned previously, I am keeping up two blogs at once.  I want to update this one more, as it is more personal to me, but I thought I'd share on here what's happening in my life, and what I write to a more "open" audience.  Alas, here be my two latest posts:

http://www.daad.de/blog/leben-in-deutschland/finding-the-nations-in-rural-saxony/
http://www.daad.de/blog/allgemein/a-spontaneous-first/

In terms of recent thoughts, here I am:

~ God has been impressing on me recently the need to ask for more of His Holy Spirit, and to trust in His provision.  In all honesty, my head has gotten pretty earthy at certain points on this trip, yet I know God has still called me out here for a reason and purpose.  I just need to stop thinking of my own needs first, but rather, make time devoted to Him.  Do you understand how easy it is to get distracted when you're alone?  Easier than you'd think.  You make them for yourself.

~ Yet my Father is weeding it out of me.  He rids me of the creeping sickness that is my flesh, and He sets me free to follow Him.  He reminded me of this in a time of fellowship among international students yesterday.  I had a wonderful, rich conversation with a native German, and he shared with me his heart for Christ, his conversion, how he has seen God move in power among the nations.  Then, two students from Asia joined us (one from India and the other from Kyrgyzstan), and together, we began singing to God long into the night.  I left simply repeating "thank you" over and over again to God.

~ I wonder how much of a connection there is between food and spirituality.  Yes, God did intend us to eat food on earth, but living on my own, I think more about what I will do for the next meal, the next thing.  And it makes me wonder, then, how much I am living out Christ's command to not worry about these things.  What would it matter if I went without food for the night?  Not saying that I have insufficient funds to have this happen, but I think I think of it too often.  Where is my desire to feast on the Word before feasting on food?

~ I visited the city of Dresden today with a family here.  Beautiful city.  Two things stuck out:
1. Frauenkirche, a church that had been destroyed in World War II, only to be rebuilt through the nineties and completed in 2005.  God can bring beauty out of the ashes, and even use charred stones with the new to bring about a masterpiece in us:

2. The royal luxury of the Saxon monarchs.  While some depicted Biblical scenes, everything was so intricate and so rich.  Everything seemed too much.  To think that the God who said to love the poor was being portrayed in exquisite jewels and costly gold and silver thousands of time over made me somewhat sick.  I am not saying that Christians cannot consider God a great treasure; God Himself instructed in the Israelites to use precious elements to craft tabernacle pieces.  But these were used for GOD'S glory.  What were these mainly being used for?  Three options: (1) the general entertainment of the royalty, (2) drinking games, or (3) nothing.

~ There is a Gothic festival happening here in Leipzig.  I don't entirely know what to think of it, but it would my hope that I should pray for those coming to the city under anything of the evil one.  Some of the costumes hold a unique beauty, but others are quite sick and twisted.  Pray that God would move in a church service specifically for the Gothic community tomorrow (Gothic Christ), and that He would lead them toward Himself.

In summary, God's working here, and I need to be listening.

Love you guys!

In Christ,
MJW

Heartbreak for the Homeless

When I came to Leipzig, I expected most of what I would experience in terms of evangelism would be very heady.  I expected mainly philosophical conversations with scientists who think little of religion at all, and may have no respect for it.  I have encountered many scientists in my stay here, and they are able to talk about religion quite freely, though it is always the same answer of "I believe in my five senses."

What is surprising is that I have found more homeless than I expected here in this city.  Not many, but still, as Christ said, the poor we will always have with us (Mark 14:7).  Two encounters I've had so far have broken my heart.

The first was with a simple beggar along the side of the road.  There are many people who play music along the streets downtown for change passerbys might throw their way.  This man was simple: he was obviously weak, tired, no instruments, no gimmicks.  Just a simple hat at his feet.  As I walked by him the first time, I saw he had had a leg injury, evidenced by the need for a crutch that lay at his side.

At first, I didn't know what to do.  I decided to enter an historic church and silently seek God for a few moments.  Inwardly, though, I knew I needed to go back.  I quickly looked up the German word for "to pray" (beten), and approached the man.  I spoke in quite broken German how I wanted to pray for him.  He essentially accepted any help that I would offer.  I prayed that he would know the love and power of God in new ways... and that God is with him.  I then placed some coins into his hat, and then noticed that his skull was partially caved in.  I again offered if I could pray for his healing.  Again, a yes, and more prayer continued.  I know not whether his leg and head were healed, but he kept saying "danke" as I was leaving.  I only hope he did not see me as above him in my attempts to help.

The second man I encountered was just today.  He was wild, had unkempt hair and clothes, and was shouting at everyone that came near him.  My thoughts immediately went to demon possession.  I began to pray under my breath for the man, commanding anything of the evil one to leave him alone.  Yet in spite of this, I did not go up to him and confront whatever was over him.  He continued to shout and run this way and that, always a little ways ahead of me, though never directed toward me.  He eventually turned to go to a garden, while I had to turn to go to work.  Something in me just wanted to go over and pray out the evil.  I know not what held me back.  Fear?  Doubt?  Unreadiness?  I know not.  I simply pray God would make me prepared for the next time.

Demon possession in Europe?  No way, crazy!  They're under a spirit of atheism over there.

Yet I see this and wonder if it is a guise for something more dastardly the enemy might introduce underground.

God, use me to readch the broken in this city.  I care not how few or how many they are.  I just ask that You would continue to show me them, bring them across my path.  And God, may Your Spirit counsel me in sharing with them the Way of Christ.

in Love,
MJW

Week 1.1 - Need to blog more O_O

Hey all,

So I'm trying to decide when to update this.  I don't want to update it so regularly that it's overbearing, yet I don't want to miss out on all the cool details of my stay here.  I could easily write a blog entry for each and every day I've been here so far.  Since writing last, I have...

* Attended a German barbeque (a member of the church I attend here brought me)

* Visited the city of Halle

* Saw the Monument to the Battle of Nations

However, it has not been like this all the time.  There was a period of loneliness at the beginning, when I had no internet access and knew no one from LEC (Leipzig English Church).  My first night here I actually cried myself to sleep because I felt so alone, but God was using the experience to break me of my desire for relationships unto themselves.  I need to be His alone.  Then He would be the one defining my rising and setting, my coming and going, my perpetual rejoicing, no matter who I come to know and who I leave behind.  He will be constant.

On that, I have been getting into the Word more here.  I've been reading a book by Dallas Willard called Hearing God, that really helps me be at peace about knowing God's voice.  With that, it seems I've been hearing God more clearly here.  Perhaps it's because there are less voices.  But He just seems to prompt me more, to talk with certain people, to correct me, to let me know what I'm doing, what I should be doing, who I am and who I am to be... and of course, much more than me... He shows me this when I know Him for who He is.  Also good in getting me to this point: Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest (epic...).

Among the the things He's shown me, I believe He may be calling me to missions.  This time may no be so much about biochemistry research as it is about learning to live in a land that is unfamiliar to me.  I do not know the language, and I am learning to live with believers from a variety of different backgrounds (at LEC, there are native Germans, people from the UK, Australia, Iraq, Pakistan, some university students, some teachers, one pastor who left his home country due to persecution).  We'll see how God uses this experience for His purposes.  I know He has equipped me with skills in certain academic areas, but I would not want to elevate those above the God who gave them to me and desires to use them as He sees fit.  God, do what You will... really.

On some lighter notes, here are some observations about German culture:

- Germans smoke.  All the time.  And most anywhere.  Asthmatics of the world, do not enter.

- Yes, you can spontaneously go out onto the side walk and open a bottle of champagne (or some other alcoholic beverage) to celebrate a lab success.

- German atheism is not antitheist.  This region is especially secular, but it's more of an upbringing and a lack of questioning than a starkly opposed to all religion

- McDonald's kids meals here serve large salads as sides (yes, I wanted to never set foot in one of these again until stateside, but a friend I made at LEC from Hong Kong desired to go there)

- Germans knock on their desks at the end of lectures rather than clap

- Finish everything on your plate.  Everything.  *You missed a grain of rice.  *Scrape until you get it.  Good!

- Schnitzel (as I learned today) is not scary, but actually quite tasty (for whatever reason, I imagined some weird, native German dish composed of pig pancreas or something =P)

- ... and there seem to be extremes in heights (at least, that's my observation)

There's more I could share (e.g., praying with a homeless), but I will elaborate more in the next post.  God bless you all, wherever you are in this world!

MJW

Hallo Leipzig! ... now with pictures

EDIT: How could I forget pics???  See bottom of page for them :)

Day 1 (Mai 15): Leipzig

Started off quite well.  Sandra, my PhD student, drove me around the city, showing me where I would be working and the dormitory I would be staying in.  Then, she and Anja took me on a sort of tour of the city, down all sorts of streets, showing me famous places like St. Thomas’ church.  Then went grocery shopping in the Bahnhoff (train station).

Came back to the dorm and absolutely conked.  I was to meet a fellow from the Leipzig English Church today, but it turns out my alarm clock here is quite slow.  We missed each other, so I set out to find it on foot.

That did not work out well seeing how I have no internet access, nor a phone.  And even though I had a map, I didn’t bring it, figuring it would make me look “touristy” (I think this is the line between practicality and looks that I failed to recognize).  Did not find the church, though I did find a phone with which I called my parents.  They seemed to be doing well.  Glad they were not frightened when I was rerouted through Charlotte.

Also ended up getting lost.  Less people here speak English than you think.  And it turns out my crash course in German prior to coming helped me only in posing the question “Where is NurenbergerstraBe?”  and I could not understand the directions that were given from the question!

Since I’m alone, have no internet access, almost no church body around me (at least, for the next few days), I hope to rest and know God… perhaps that’s why He had me not find it, so I could draw near to Him.

I can’t believe I’m spending 10 weeks here!

Love and Peace in Christ,

MJW

Dormitory Pics:

Bed and desk

Dresser (uber tall O_O) and bookcase 

Kitchenette

Badezimmer (bathroom ;D)

Suitemate-to-be's dormitory door

View from one window...

... And the other one :P

View from the outside

That's all for now; will upload more in the next post!!!

The Journey

Hello friends!

This comes about 3 days later than intended, but I kept a running Word doc of my ventures from Dayton to Leipzig via airports.  Another post will contain pics from the first day and some commentary on impressions (though only first impressions because I want to keep it dated from when I first arrived; will post more later this week perhaps).

Anyways, here it be!

7:26 am, Troy, OH

Got up around 6:30ish.  This always happens the night before a big trip: I wake up about 2 hours before I need to.  I’m actually the first one up (usually my sister).  Been testing Skype on this computer.  Will  write more at airport?  Or en route to airport?  Sure, let’s go with that.

11:21 am, Cincinnati, OH

I’m at the airport more than an hour before boarding time… what to do, what to do.
Even before leaving for Germany, the morning was typical Wells…

Me: Are you saying only two-dimensional beings have gender issues?
Dad: Yes!

Dad: Krista [who is looking at the breakfast sandwich we bought on the trip down], did you know you’re eating an old, dead pig?
Krista: [moans] I don’t wanna eat it anymore…

Despite cats fighting and Krista’s whining, there was the spirit of prayer present at the airport as all four of us offered up prayer, the three staying for my safety to and in Germany, and one (me) for the safety and restoration of the family.  God is definitely in the midst of us.  Read Zephaniah last night… reminded me of my stubbornness and my need to be silent and listen to God.  Hopefully some of that can be done here…  boarding in an hour!

12:34 pm, Cincinnati, OH

5 Minutes till boarding time now.  Been reading Always Enough by Heidi and Rolland Baker.  Highly awesome, even though I’m only a few chapters in.  The prophetic , fasting, healing, visions, everything just seems natural in the read.  And it wasn’t as if they had done anything brilliant.  They simply took God at His Word.  Am I simple enough to do likewise?

Tired some from waking up so early.  Hopefully that will help rather than hurt with jet lag.  Nous verrons, erk, I mean, wir werden sehen.

1:03 pm, Cincinnati, OH

Still haven’t boarded.  Aircraft maintenance issues.  Hopefully won’t cause trouble in Philly.
… Scratch that, they just said that it would take pretty long.  Oi.

1:32 pm, Cincinnati, OH

Being rerouted through Charlotte, NC.  Still going to work (!!!).  Just may need to rush from one side of the Charlotte airport to another… and maybe the same with Frankfurt.  Fuuuuuuun!

Some time after 4 pm, Charlotte, NC

Gah, well, that was fast.  Got off the flight, made a new friend en route to here (Mary, same year as me, Rhode Island-bound, U. of Indiana), and scrambled to scarf down a bagel prior to boarding the 8 person/row airbus.  Hearing languages from all over the world right now.  Some German, some French, and, obviously, English.  Some stern faces, some peaceful.  Perhaps Germany will change my affinity from the French to the Deutschland.  Wir werden sehen.

No seat buddy last time.  There was a bit of a shuffling of seats here before I ended up getting a seat friend.  Someone in front of me was drunk on an empty stomach.  A steward shook him and got no response.  A person had just sat down beside me, but he ended up moving ahead of me to the aisle seat.  Then, a recent college grad from U. of Charleston wanted an aisle seat, so I moved over to the window.  She’s Bulgarian!

2:09 am German time, In the air between Charlotte and Frankfurt

Have had some good conversation about most everything, from languages to movies to friends and college.  I ended up watching part of Avatar, though I stopped.  There are so many better uses of my time up here.  Namely, (1) cram German, (2) read the Word, (3) finish another chapter in Always Enough, and (4) pray.  Doubt I’ll be getting sleep any time soon.  Flight is scheduled to arrive around 7 am in Frankfurt, though I highly doubt that that will happen because of the drunk.  Hopefully I’ll have enough time to get through customs and catch the flight to Leipzig.  Hopefully I’ll also get some shut eye between now and then.  And maybe even learn the word for “to learn” in German!  Wir werden sehen.

3:39 am German time, In the air

Still awake.  Doubt I’ll sleep much between now and the time we land (considering that’s less than four hours away).  Been reading Exodus.  Interesting the parts we skip over, like in one chapter God tries to kill Moses, but Zipporah circumcises her son and throws the foreskin at Moses’ feet.  This appeases God’s wrath… Though I’m still not sure why.

God’s been reminding me not to treat Him as though He is some sort of trinket, but rather, as Lord, as the One I live for… to live like He is my Sustenance.  Now how is this going to happen without my stopping?  My pausing?  I’m hoping this time could be a time of finding homeland in His presence, rediscovering intimacy… real, holy intimacy.  Will see how much further I can get in Exodus before I conk.

5:38 am German time, In the air between Charlotte and Frankfurt

No sleep.  Doubt it would be worth to go ahead and zonk now.  Tried to fall asleep to The Princess and the Frog.  Shut it off part way in.  Plane landing in less than two hours.

7:17 am German time, Frankfurt, Germany

Landing in Frankfurt!

8:35 am German time, Frankfurt, Germany

Landed safely.  Youlia gave me her email address and phone number because she will be in Berlin the whole time I am in Leipzig.  May have to visit her.  Ended up chasing after her in search of her flight gate.  Ended up leaving her because I wasn’t sure if following her looked awkward.  Went through security check again, and right before going near my gate, there was some sort of threat that caused a ten minute delay.   No biggie, I have time to spare at this pit stop, surprisingly.  Next stop, Leipzig!

10:40 am German time, Leipzig, Germany

Here!

Love and Peace in Christ,

MJW

Coming in and Going out

Last post before I head off to Deutschland.  What are my thoughts?

Not the typical jitters of "Oh, so excited, so excited!"  Rather calm, understated.  "Yeah, I'm going to Germany.  Oh, wait, yeah, I'm going to Germany!"  Today I've spent preparing in various ways, spiritually, mentally, physically, and any other -ly words one might consider.

To ready me for the trip, my grandmother gave me this:

... don't ask me all that it says (I can catch "Ich" and "Mit").  For those of you who don't know, my grandmother is an immigrant from Switzerland who knows German, Swiss-German, English, and I believe some French and Italian.  Hopefully her language skills have been passed down to me.

Been spending the last few days having quality time with the sis and the 'rents.  Night walks, board games, horrid puns, and the like.  I only hope that they and I are at peace with our parting tomorrow morning.

Spiritually, I need to do some more preparation.  I want to know God's heart for Germany on this trip.  I don't want to be blindly walking into the land as I know I've been placed in this internship for a purpose.  Interesting to see how a forum I check sporadically just so happened to have a recent thread on the spiritual state in Germany right now (praise God).

Father, whatever else You'd have me do in these night hours, I pray You'd use it to ready me for the days ahead.  I pray in Jesus' Name that You'd guide me in Your way everlasting, and that You'd watch over my coming in and my going out, both now and forever.  Amen.

Love to you all.  Next post should be on the other side (of the ocean, that is ;P)!

Peace,

MJW

3 days, 2 blogs, 1 heart

GAAAAAAH!

Hello, loves.  I leave in 3 days.

GAAAAAAH!

Here be my "success" in packing:

Still not sure if I'll take those bowls.  Have yet to pack shaver, contact lens solution, journal, and Bible.  Among the books I intend on reading are...

Apologetics for a New Generation by Sean McDowell (thank you, Thom)
Hearing God by Dallas Willard
Always Enough by Heidi and Rolland Baker (rereading; hope to see what I think of it now)
Shaping History through Prayer and Fasting by Derek Prince (have read bits and pieces, but would like to understand the book as a whole)
.... plus others that I will update you as to my reading or not when/if I read them!  I raided my mother's old Navigators collection for some books; hopefully I'll be able to read them, too :)  And obviously, I have a German-English dictionary (been working on my accent; seems to be working okay...)

As the title suggests, I will actually be keeping two blogs now (as in more than one!), one more personal (this one) and one run by DAAD (the program I'm with).  The latter should be more "do" based and the former should be more "think" based.  We'll see how it turns out.  If you want to check out the other one, it's not online yet, though it should be available through this site: http://www.daad.de/blog/

The one heart I'm referring to is the heart of God.  He kept hinting to me throughout this week that I just needed to get alone with Him.  It's interesting how easily I can still get caught in routines, methods when I'm so used to working to deadlines.

Essentially, He drew me to the fact that He is a God of Justice.  Throughout Scripture, from Jeremiah the prophet to the Law of Moses to the Psalms of David to the Gospels and even Revelation, we see God's heart for the poorest.  Whether widow, orphan, foreigner, or crippled, we see that God's eye is upon them, and that it is an injustice to them to forget them, to not serve them, to take advantage of them.  These are the most precious.

And I ask, "God, why are you telling this to me now?  Don't you know that I'm going to be the foreigner here in a bit?  What on earth do you want me to do in Germany that has any relation to this?"

I don't know the answer yet, but I know He does.  It's just awesome to at least know His heart again.   A semester can take a toll on my spiritual intimacy with God, even if I do a ton "for Him."  It doesn't matter what it is that I do, as long as it is done out of who I am.  And I would hope that to be defined by His heart.

Love in Christ,
MJW

Time

is a curious entity.

In less than a week, I will be boarding a plane, Leipzig-bound.  There seems to be so much to do in so little time.  Yet my parents are going to bed at 10 pm.  I have time... to sleep?

I guess I never really reflected much on time's passage when I turned twenty, which is different than most people.  I viewed the age as finally not having to put up with the teenager stereotype, so I might venture into the fields and forests of adulthood.  Alas, I have been alive for two decades, yet I only feel as though I've lived 5 years.  Rebirth does something to your biology.

With the limited time I have left of youth, what shall I do with it?  Use whatever unction or strength in my bones to preach the Word?  Or shall I wait in the desert until I am weak, growing close to my Maker in the process, that He might be exalted in a later age?  I would hope for both concurrently, a sort of submission of my weaknesses and strengths before His glory.  He is deserving of everything.

Why can I write that without any unction?  I don't want to let this time be spent in a way where I train my mind to know God as doctrinal points or standards, but as Lord and King, as a holy God-anage (as opposed to personage) with whom I might dynamically engage.  Engagements which mark the passage of time.

Year 1: Call out, training, knowing identity
Year 2: Purity in worship, fasting, learning the ropes of revival
Year 3: Trusting, hoping, wherever He would have I would go
Year 4: Discernment and Spiritus Sanctus
Year 5: Revival realized and ____

Blank to be realized shortly.

Love,
MJW

Testing Testing... Testing? And randomness.

Hey all,

This post is mainly a test to see whether I have the skills to upload photos on here, though I'll also say a few words...

* Safely returned from home in Nashville to the home in OH
* Officially signed the paperwork for acceptance of the scholarship
* Attempting to resolve when the dates of my flights should be (yes, I'm thinking about this 9 days before I said I'd be there =P)
* Prayer last night: that God rid me of my self-exaltation and only live to promote His glory
* Loving being with my family here for a few days.  Chillaxing ROCKS!

Photo test = Win.

Will update with more details about the trip soon!

Lovelovelove,
MJW

What this blog means

So this may be the first the blog I've really hoped to keep up.  I aspire to keep it up throughout the summer, so whoever wants to know what's happening in the life of MJW will be kept up-to-date.  Don't know how horribly profound it will be, but we'll see how it works :P

Why I named this blog Sehnsucht Sojourner:


Sehnsucht is quite possibly my favorite word in existence.  Though foreign to my native tongue, it refers to the deep longing for homeland within the human spirit, a sort of longing for "we know not what."  C.S. Lewis extrapolated on his own acquaintance with this form of nostalgia in a letter to a friend, saying:


"About death I go through different moods, but the times when I can desire it are never, I think, those when this world seems harshest. On the contrary, it is just when there seems to be most of Heaven already here that I come nearest to longing for a patria. It is the bright frontispiece which whets one to read the story itself. All joy (as distinct from mere pleasure, still more amusement) emphasizes our pilgrim status; always reminds, beckons, awakens desire. Our best havings are wantings."


In a sense, I agree with Lewis.  It is in those most intimate times of worship in the Spirit that I have received greatest joy, those times in which I sing from the heart, "I want to be where you are."


However, I have found myself of late longing to be away from "here," not because of a heart of worship, but rather, because I long to once again have a heart that could fathom these realities.  The busyness of school.  The continual "next thing" that ever encroaches upon my existence, leaving me at the end of a day saying, "God, when is this going to end?"  I've grown tired of this life, and I long to worship my God in Spirit and in Truth.  I know I cannot be home truly in this life.  The closer I get to it, the deeper the longing becomes.  So be it.  I'd only have it near.


At the same time, I am a sojourner on this earth.  I am on a journey, wandering hither and thither, reaching climaxes of varying intensities until I breathe my last.  I don't know if I've ever really considered a physical place my true "home," which is why it is easy for me to walk the different faces of this earth calmly.  Whatever the culture, I believe I could adapt.  This shall be tested in the coming weeks, as I am meant to leave the states this summer.


It's not so much about where I go as it is about who I take with me.  My faith should be central to these ventures.  And I know it has been the faith of my fathers gone by, that of Abraham, of Isaac, and of Jacob... none of these considered this earth their home:


By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God...  All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. (Hebrews 11:9-10,13-16)

I know not where I'm going on this earth, and I know not all that this summer will hold, but it is my hope that my wanderings will be for a greater calling.  Journey entails not simply going from place to place, as though one were without aim.  My aim is not in place but in passion.  I do not aspire to live forever in a lofty tower, in an expensive home, with the richest delicacies, with the grandest titles, though the last would be my flesh's downfall.  Rather, I aspire to serve God where I am, whatever I'm doing, for as long as He'd have me.  This summer has been a wrestling match in my mind between various sides: Germany, Michigan, Ohio, Zambia, etc.  From what I know till now, God wants me in Germany.  For some reason.  I know not why yet, but I know who will be with me, even if there be no one else.  To paraphrase Francis Chan, I know that the moment I'm not willing to be lonely or misunderstood, I'll be useless to the Kingdom.

God, I don't care where you take me this summer.  All I care about is that You'd be there beside me, leading me in all my ways, teaching me Your truth, calling me out, calling me aside, calling me to Your side again.  And there, as we walk together, side by side, You will know my heart's longing, and I will know Yours.  We will journey to that place so near yet so far until I fade past these temporal realities into the homeland of eternity.

Love and Peace in Christ,
MJW