Nomoshkar, Dhaka

I.e., Good Morning, Dhaka.

Currently in a sort of nice club in Dhaka with a family that works at LAMB.  Finally have teh interwebz and enough time to post some things.  However, like my last post, I'm operating on very little sleep (my ability to sleep on planes is quite close to 0... over the 29ish hours of travel, I got at most 4 hours of sleep).  Therefore, this entry shall mainly be whatever I choose to share from what's happened so far this morning, and on the way here.

I don't know why, but the grace of God struck me as I was leaving DC.  Not because I was living DC,  but the sense that I was going here for Him, and even though I myself am a work in progress, He loves me.  Perhaps some sort of overzealous work attitude had distanced my heart from the fact that God's love is with me because I am His, and am progressing in His light, not because I have everything perfect always.  Not that I shouldn't aim for that, but if His love reaches to us in while we are still sinners, why should we ever think that now, as His children, His love does not reach us unless we perform to a certain standard? Things I need to keep hearing from God, and internalizing....

On the way from Doha to Dhaka, I sat beside a woman who was of Muslim background and spoke a little English.  She had been with her family in Canada, but was returning to Bangladesh to be with her dying mother.  I found it interesting how open she was about this, and I believe she accepted the promise that I would pray for her mother, even though a few moments before, she had asked me if I was a Christian (I said yes, though I wanted both sides to learn how the other looked and operated).  Pray that God's grace would abound to her, and that I would make the most of other opportunities I have here to show God's love.

I expected Dhaka's airport to resemble Port-au-Prince in Haiti, though I was pleasantly surprised to find it rather modern.  Praise God for safety in picking up luggage and exchanging currency, and also for the other two transfers before that.  And for safety on the drive to the guesthouse (my mother would be terrified to know how traffic "works" here... plus they drive on the left side o' the road!).

Doha was interesting.  While there was a strong Islamic presence, it also served as a hub for a variety of other flights (aside: Qatar Airways ROCKS!  Great food, quality service, people with epic names like Dragos serving as flight attendants... just awesome).  Thus, I saw a very diverse group on the plane ride from DC to Doha, which also appeared somewhat present at the actual airport.  On the flight to Dhaka, however, there seemed to be less diversity among the passengers.

Wrestled with watching things on the screens on the flights (do I waste time doing this?  But I can't access my books, so what can I do?  And I'm too tired to think?).  Complexity, complexity.  Don't want to be mastered by anything, but also want to use my time wisely.  Pray that I would use any free time I have here as unto God, and not human desires.

Don't really know a good way to conclude these thoughts other than to say I love you all a ton, and I pray all of you are well as well!  AND HERE'S SOME RANDOM PICTURES!

Mosquito net in my bedroom (prepare to be Pwn3d in the FACE mosquitoes!)

View from my room.

View from a window at the Liebenzell guesthouse.

Club we're at currently (there's a pool, but I left my swimming trunks back at the guesthouse).

I see you.

Love to you all again!

Grace and Peace,
MJW

We've Only Just Begun

2:10 PM in Dhaka, 4:10 AM in Troy

I begin writing...

Thus, my apologies for the low level of coherency this might possess.

In case anyone didn't know, God's awesome.

Not just at retreat centers, but all the time, though I loved the time I spent at the Elijah House Friday. The moment I entered the house I essentially dropped to the floor, begging for help from God to know Him again, and that my sense of control would leave me. He responded using a classic book by Frances Roberts, Come Away My Beloved, which are devotionals written from the perspective of God. Excerpts from the one that struck me most, "Renew Your Vows," is below:

There is a day coming when you will say, “I have waited in vain for the Lord.” You will wait for Me to speak, and you will hear only the whistling of the wind. But I tell you now, I am never silent; you are deaf. I am always speaking; but I do not find your ear attuned to listen.

You will sit alone in a desolate place and grieve in your loneliness; but it will not be that I have left you, but that you have become insensitive to My presence. Yes, if you ignore My personal nearness and fellowship and if you do not return My overtures, your perceptions will become dull; you will not be able to discern Me even though I am near at hand– even though My love for you is still as strong as before.

You will not be able to meet the needs of others with anything short of this. There is no cure for the ills of humankind but what is contained in the love of God. You cannot give to them until after you have taken it from Me.

Some have lost Me by the sin of rebellion; but I warn you that you may lose Me by the subtle way of simple inattention. Confess your codlness, and draw near to Me; and I will make My personal presence real to you again. I will hold you close to My heart, and you will hear My voice.

Renew your vows, and I will revive your ministry. There is a life ahead for you into which you could not have entered before. There is work ready for you, and I have prepared you for it. It is too wonderful to miss. It will be silent but powerful.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I recognize that God can be silent in some seasons, but I believe that the above held true in my case. I observed that the natural state of my mind, when left to its own devices, wandered away from rather than toward God. Further, I recognized how I had done just what the devotional had said, i.e., pushed God off so many times that I became numb, worn, inattentive... somehow, insensitive to His presence. At first I thought I should confess all the things that distracted me, but God led me on a different route, toward confession of my heart condition. As I did this, I found greater peace and ability to engage the Word... and really know God.

I know that had I failed to do this, and then try to start praying for Bangladesh, my mind would go here, there, and everywhere... and my heart would be tense. BUT in Christ, in this renewed state, there I began to read Daniel, and saw how he stood for God in the context of the ruling governments and states. He was able to readily adapt to cultural shifts, without losing his grounding in God, committed to following God's way, even with threats of death. Not only this, but he led this lifestyle at all stages of his existence, from his captivity as a youth being trained in the king's courts, to later portions following royal edicts against praying to anyone but the king.

How much I would desire to be as Daniel in every place I find myself. Doing the work of God, not wavering in commitment, and knowing He will reveal His secrets to His beloved.

It is my prayer for Bangladesh that I would do this. It's funny how the last sermon I hear before going out is on the goodness of laboring for God, of working for Him regardless of your context. And then, to read at the end of the travel guide LAMB gave me these words, I believe God is getting His message across loud and clear:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
~ Colossians 3:23-24

As I was leaving the retreat center, I was getting the sense from God that this refocusing of the mind was to accomplish two things: (1) it was to set a pattern for me, so I would not fall again away into a divided mind, and (2) prepare me for the work ahead, as I had yet to hear all that He wanted me to just yet. I don't know what it is going to be just yet, but I know God has something new in store. And I am excited!

Pray for safety tomorrow through all the travels, and that as I pursue this work for God, He would continue to reveal His love and greatness to me and all those surrounding me.

Love to you all!

in Christ,
MJW

Bangladesh? Say wha?!

So peeps...

I'm going to BANGLADESH this summer.  For six weeks.  And I leave in less than 5 days.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

What prompted this?!?!

Back history...

Leipzig English Church Weekend Away.  Wonderful time of fellowship with my brothers and sisters, and learning from the Word under Rev. Stephen Wookey, a visiting Anglican minister.  In one of the break times, Rev. Wookey gave me his contact information and mentioned the LAMB Hospital in Bangladesh to me because I was pre-med.

Thus, I began a series of email exchanges, seeing if I could do some medical volunteering there, maybe help out in the school they also run.  The hospital was also non-denominational missions organization, which encouraged me to go.  Turned out they really needed help at the school, so I'm going over to help support the school however I can, teaching different classes, reading with children, and helping put on skits for the end of the year. Additionally, I will also be shadowing some physicians in their work at the hospital, and hopefully asking them some about medical ethics implementation in rural, international settings.  We'll see all that God has in store!

The people in the region I will be in are split about 50:50 Muslim and Hindu, so it will be interesting presenting Bible lessons to a group with split perspectives in a school setting.  From what I can tell, discussing faith is done in more careful ways in this context, as the school is also responsible for other parts of their education, like science and English.  Pray that I will be culturally sensitive, and would be able to bless the children by showing them who Jesus is through all that I say and do.

My level of preparedness for all of this?  Let's go with about 2 or 3 on the 1 to 10 scale.  Lots of packing to be done, and I'd like to be able to at least have down some key phrases in Bengali (do you know how difficult it is to get material on learning one of the top 10 languages spoken in the world? very =P).  Also, even though I've been home for more than a week from university, I haven't sat down and really meditated on the Word as much as I'd like to prepare my heart for this venture.  Everything from family crises to medical school applications have been vying for my attention, though I know that should put me all the more on my knees.  Pray that God would still me in preparation for this trip, that He would fill me to pour out to others on this trip, and that His presence would purify my heart to serve with a sincere heart.

Shaving my frohawk will also be a step in the right direction:

I will post again after I spend some more time seeking God/in prayer regarding the trip (intend on visiting a Catholic retreat center in my area to stop and seek God for a day).  I love you all a ton, and will keep you updated as much as I can during my time in Bangladesh!

Peace in Christ,
MJW

Restart

Hey all,

I guess I never completely finished my Germany blog, and to be honest, I don't believe it really should have an ending.  If I am indeed a sehnsucht sojourner, still looking for homeland, then I should have no true end to this blog on my ventures.  Given that I'm journeying to another land in a few days, I suppose this remains appropriate.

However, to give a sense of conclusion to that season of my life, I give to you my last journal entry in Germany, one from 22 Juli 2011, written in my notebook during my stay at the DAAD conference (further thoughts can be seen on my other blog for the DAAD).  It does not tell the whole story, for in the Munich airport, I realized that I had been seeking my purposes too far in my lab work, thinking that I need to excel in absolutely every area of the world, academic, work, and otherwise.  While I still aspire to love God with my all in every facet of life He would have me live, He revealed to me just hours before I would leave that nation, that I had been resisting His will for me.  It certainly was not in lab work, even though I had thought I had to do it to "succeed" in my own eyes.  Nor was it in simply the strive to succeed.  Rather, in all of this, His will for me is to know Him.  Simply know Him.  And through that knowledge, that rest in Him, make Him known.  Admittedly, upon reflection over this past school year, I have found myself doing just the opposite: occupying my time with everything that I can possibly handle, continuously pressing my limits... hoping that maybe I can catch my breath every now and then to take in His grace.  More on this in a sec.  My last journal entry from Germany, given because it capture my attitudes for the majority of my trip (all lack of capitalization as written in journal):

I sit on a bench in Heidelberg, Germany (or "Deutschland," if you will).
I am on the Philsophenweg, or "Philosopher's Walk."
My eyes look over the city.
I see great hills, steeples rise above the streets, a castle to my left, a nuclear power plant to my right.

And God, i still don't know what i'm doing.  My mind has been so utterly cluttered these last 5 weeks, there has been so much sickness in my mind and i don't know why my sense have calloused.

But i still know You're here.
God, what is Your reason?

i hear that i am called to sojourn with You.  That is fine with me, God.  i don't want to cling so tightly to my family or home that i do not follow You.

But Lord, this summer has just been a sehnsucht sojourn for You.  For Your home.  For Your place.

it seems i stumble upon it for an hour here, a verse there, only then to be plunged headlong into the recesses of frivolity, whether having an intellectual label or a pleasure-seeking thrill.

And i don't want to live this way, merely sojourning, aimlessly wandering, at times stumbling upon Christ only to then walk on.  God, i don't want to live this life as a biochemist or a physician or a president or an air worker.  i want my identity to be founded in You  And absolutely all else stemming from that reality.

God, where is my home?  Where is the place i love?  Where, in what presence, does my soul delight and never grows weary?  Is it not Your holy temple?  Is it not the powerful presence of Almighty God?

Why am i not home, God?

Why not yet?
Is this how i'm meant to live, Lord?
Just toying with temporality when eternity stands before me?

Yet my heart and my soul desperately need changed.  i seek You out here, that again i might be restored to Your courts.  For Lord, i ask Your forgiveness: for journeying without You. for seeking experience rather than holiness. for seeking cultural knowledge more than love. for a prosperous page instead of peace.

The Lord is my Peace.  Do i know Him?
The Lord is my Strength.  Do i feel Him?
The Lord is my Hope.  Do i watch for Him?

Like a watchman waits for dawn?
Knowing it will come, longing for its return
Not knowing the hour precisely, but knowing it is
drawing nigh moment by moment.

Speak, I pray, Lord.  I will wait for You.

... Lord God, forgive me, Father, for my lack of love and satisfaction in and for You.  God, forgive me for not recognizing or taking heed to Your voice when You call.  Jesus, forgive me.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

So yes, that was Germany.  Long ago, yet close in mind.

As for this year, He has definitely placed many blessings in my life.  He has shown faithful to the Christian community on campus, even in the midst of confusion about the administration's views on religious life.  The joy I have known through liturgical forms of worship this past year has been a new and fresh experience of the presence of God.  And He has demonstrated His love through my first ever girlfriend this past year (and I'm not saying that in an overly gooshy cutesy way; she has been a blessing and stabilizing listener in my walk with God).

At the same time, I've felt too "in control" of my life.  Too decisive in a poor way.  Forgetting to stop and meditate on the work of God in my life, past, present, and future.  That is not to say God cannot move through the decisions that I make, but what became of the times when I would fast and pray before stepping out on a decision?  Where I would intercede for a nation or city before I stepped foot in an area?  Do I really want to be so busy "reaching out" or "preparing for my career" that I don't sit at my God's feet, captured by His Wonder, worshiping His Beauty, again enraptured by His Heart, burdened with His Justice and Mercy for the downcast, and petitioning and weeping at His nail-scarred feet, knowing He is my Provider?

The answer to the last question should be obvious, but how do I get myself out of being tangled in such a mess of school and applications this summer?  The medical profession I am looking to pursue through application to at least 15 schools this summer almost guarantees that I will always be without sleep, that I will always be on my toes, never knowing enough to completely treat every single one of my patients... that I will somehow always be lacking a "necessity" that I can never have enough of.  Do I believe my God is able to sustain me in this?  Absolutely.  Though I weep over the thought of abandoning the place of intercessory prayer for the sake of medical practice, bioethics research, and other commitments.

Not only this, I mourn reducing my understanding of God's grace, my growth in His love, to a past time, and letting any understanding I acquire be simply academic in nature.  I know that this is not true currently, but it is one of my greatest fears.  I NEVER want to be simply an artifact of a bygone time, where God's grace once flowed and the joy of His Spirit abounded, only to be dried and led to the grave having a semblance of a love of God, sans real grounding in faith in Christ Jesus.

It seems I have reached this to some degree at the end of both last year and this year... but I don't want this to happen next year.  As I leave for the nation of Bangladesh on May 20th, 2012 (that's it, explaining the trip itself has to go in another, later post), I pray that God would teach me how to maintain a constant awareness of His presence... and that He would lead me further into the place of prayer, that He would silence all the academic questions, however legitimate they may be, for just a short season, so I can stop and know He is God.  If not this, then that He would let my questions at least do what they're intended to do: lead me into deeper knowledge of my Creator.

Father, Son, Spirit
Have mercy on me.
And lead me into Your arms again.

C'est tout, for now.  More on Bangladesh later.

God's peace be with you all.

in Christ,
MJW

P.S. In my head tonight (chorus from "Furious" by Jeremy Riddle):

His love is deep, His love is wide,
And it covers us.
His love is fierce, His love is strong,
It is furious.
His love is sweet, His love is wild,
And it's waking hearts to life.