Renew

I’ve taken in information for way too long, and it’s time for some creativity.

Something in the making.

A drawing, a story, a dance that I (and the world) have yet to know.

This is what happens when I neglect journaling space for a good semester (if not year).  I lose not only the space, but my head and heart loses their route for expression.  Thus, all my energies get bottled in, suppressed, distracted from potential pursuits and purposes.

Admittedly, I had some of this space at the very end of school this past year, but it was mostly a realization that I had done too much on my own.  Not by myself, but on my own initiative and power.  Taking too much on in my hunger to “do more.”  Not “too much to handle,” but too much to live healthily.  Living with caffeine and without sacred space – both my own fault.  Furthermore, I was taking this on in my own strength, rather than praising God throughout the season and relying on His joy as my strength.  Even amid the downpour, however, I was grateful to hear whispers of His love, a simple “I am with you” late into the night.

Now, as an alumnus, I look toward another four years ahead in a new city as I prepare to become a physician.  If med school is all it’s said to be, how on earth do I preserve this space?  There needs to be a shift in my paradigm.

I need not do everything for its own sake (or my own sake).

Nor should I.

I need to learn to live out my time constructively, such that I actually have time to breathe – and be – in God’s presence.

Restructuring my time alone for more “down time,” however, is not the only thing that needs changed.  Not only “doing less,” but a recognition of what’s best.  What’s empowering.  Transformative in the best way possible.

That’s what God’s all about.  Even if in this past year I appeared to do a ton of things “for God,” my connection with the Vine was shallow at best.

My zeal for the lost, for the downcast, for justice, righteousness, and peace was meager at best.

I wasn’t even operating on principle, so much as the idea of keeping my head above water.

And that is NOT what I have known of my Savior.

I have tasted and seen that my Lord is good.  He is the greatest good anyone could ever know or experience.  And it is His heart that I desire to recapture this new season.

I desire to abide in His covenant, worshiping and knowing Him as good in times of calm and times of utter insanity.  Never ceasing in my love for Him, never letting it grow cold or harsh or somehow “rough” by the weight of this world.  Simply hoping, simply trusting, simply abiding in His faithfulness to His children, and learning to walk in Him.

Knowing this journey through His eyes.

Prayers that in this time of calm, I would be able to relearn these sacred pathways, and remember, by His Spirit’s assurance and His Word’s instruction, how to abide in Him.

God be with you.

In Christ,

MJW